Hi dear,
how are you? how is everything going on with you? i know its been a
long time i havent mailed you, more than five months.... about me,, i am
alrite and doing well,, nothing so speacial had happened to say or point out.. ..
i have been trying to say something to you from a long time, almost a
year now but i am not being able to do so... today i have colllected all my
guts and tried to express my feelings... i even wrote it many times but cant
send it to u,, and once i send it to u but i open ur mail box and deleted it....
but i wont be deleting it today
its been almost five years that i am in love with u... i have always
liked u and wanted u... and later on i realised that u feel the same for me.. i
was the most happy man when i knew that... than we sahred many dreams..
many hopes and many downs....i still remember those days when i used to pass
by ur house thinking that if i can see u... very rarely i used to see u
but i always tried that... i dont know why that used to make me feel so
nice...
later on our frenship was said to be turned into love ... but i never
felt any diffrence,,, u always said that u liked me... and there is no
doubt that i liked u n loved u both... i was crazy for u on those days... i
liked ur innocence,, i liked ur childish behaviour,, and i liked u in
whole... we came closer .. i found u much more better than i thought... but there
was always a patch that i used to think n feel ,, did we really come close????
we both know we are serious in our relation as it was decision of two
responsible adults and thought of everything that might come in our way...
we looked at our relation from everyangle... we found it suitable.. and
we knew that we were fit for each other.. our relation started more from
brain than heart... i found u perfect for me.... but now i feel where is the
perfection???
we had some bad times in our relation,,, we splitted when u once asked me
for break up,, and i happily accepted it for ur happiness..at that time i
was having a series of failure in everything and i wanted u to hold my hand
but instead u left me lying on the floor,,, i was so devasted at that
time,, but u never vanished from my memory,, u were always there,, as u were the
one who i loved so heartily, that ur happiness was much much more important
for me even than ur presence... but i always felt that, were you really present ??
our patches were cured with time and u wanted to come back again into
my life and i happily accepted that,,, as i only know how much i missed u
in that four months without u,,, i spent every of those days in
horror,,and when u decided to come back, i was happy that my gal who left me
for no reason came back,, but i was not preety much sure how long would that last???
later on i hold myself and tried to bounce back to my normal life.. and
i finally made a come back in to my normal daily life,, i was trying to
fulfill my dreams n hope.. controlling myself.. i finally found the
way in which i have to carry my life... i was about to take the first step..
and i wanted ur support when i was leaving everything behind and going away
to create a new world on my own, where i could have u,, now i feel that
did i ever had you??
i know absence does the same for love what wind does for flame,, blows
out the weak ones,, and feeds the strong ones. i know our relation was
not that weak to go out with one storm,, it has been build on a strong base
and will stand long... our relation was strong against the storms but like
anything else the constant longness made it weak and finally broke it
down.... i feel was it ever built???
you said that i havent contacted u properly for five months,, i want to
tell u that in five years there are 12 such "5 months"... in all those i
have missed u and wanted to hear few words from ur silence.... i never got
that pleasure... i always felt as if i was forcing you towards me....
u are one of the best lady of our time,, i had few moments with you...
i really had my life within that period.. .. i know i wont get anyone
better than you in my life... but at the same time i dont want you as well...
one more thing to tell.. dont ever think that i have got someone else in my
life... how can anyone else take ur position in my life, importantly
not even you again,,, i am sorry for the lady whoever is coming into my
life that i have spent the best of my love with you...
i have realised that i can live without u,, i know it wont be easier but
still life will go on.... i hope time will cure our wounds... u have ur
whole life to live and i also have my own life,,, i thought of taking it
together, we tried it , but finally i realised it wont work,, and i
dont want to force it...
i wish u to have the best possible things in ur life.. i know ur desire to
live as an indepandent woman,, i know u r capable of it,,, i have always
wished for ur success and if i can be any help in your way,, i am always
ready to help you as one of my good fren... but i have a doubt if we
can take our relation as a fren even... if it could happen then i would enjoy
it....
i am sorry coz i know when u read all these u will get hurt,,, its not
intenstional... its all emotional.. i have put down all my emotions
here,, and i am not preety sure if u will understand my emotions and
sentiments as i never felt that u understood my emotions n sentiments. whatever so,,
i have decided my life in ur absence,, i hope i will be happy.... and wish
ur life to remain happy.
Good Bye.
