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 A suitable boy!

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Posted on 10-09-06 6:44 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Suitable boy/girl
The only way you can find out is by talking to them and knowing them better, in other words (Dating them).

You are anyhow going to find out things about him/her after marring them, so why not start with the bit of dating, and bit research (spying) The background;

How is the person when he/she is not with you, (coz they are all most wonderful person in the world in front of you and untill you marry them.)

"Better safe then sorry"
 
Posted on 10-09-06 6:49 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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ok one question for miss koninoor.

suppose there are two guys:-
1.. one who is cute and hot and plus he is educated and smarty but he has attitude problem(dats me)

2. another one who is not so ugly or nor hot looking but he is smarty and educated and he doesnt have attitude problem

so whome you gonna choose?

ans is urz and just ans it in ur best way,,,one more request for ya.. dont say it randomly.. coz its reality i have seen in most gurlz future when it comes in marriage.. so ans it best way u can..
c u laterz
 
Posted on 10-09-06 7:22 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Well if you don't have time to know the other person better, then I'd say you are not ready for marriage, How will you have time to spend your life journey with your husband?

You must find a way to know him.

By spying and research I mean get to know him and his friends, se what types of friends he hangs around with, because friends are alike, because as you know that “like attracts like”,

Beside he will be good with you because he is about to get married with you, but his friends they will be who they truly are, they will respect you as bhauju but they will not hide their personality as much as your maybe coming husband will.

Yes trust can win the other person, but if the other person is an ass hole, then he may misuse your trust. And think of the period of your life’s journey when you cannot trust the other person, it is painful, and it is you who would be suffering till your honesty is realised by the other person. And will you be able to forgive him, and will you be able to forget what he has done to you.

It is like an emotional scar, and scar never fulfils and do you think you will be able to live with a man that treats you like a door mat.

The choice is yours.
 
Posted on 10-09-06 7:23 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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ok thanx for ur answer.. i am happy you choose da second coz its your life.. and i just wanted to know ur opinion..
well you know most guys who falls in category no 1.. gets changed when they get married and there social behavior does change..
now they dont have anything to loose coz its a game untill guys gets marries? after that its not one life but two life combined and mixed to be one life(i.e both husband and wife)and i have never seen category no 1 guy aint changed when they get married unless they are drunker and unsociable since teeen age.. unless his like that sorry hun you miss your oppurtunity.. think once and ans it.. coz this forumz u posted is very secure and heart touchy..

well me i am regular viewer of this forumz but hardly reply but your thread cought my eye..
 
Posted on 10-09-06 11:13 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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kohinoor,
it always hard to choose hoina ra when you do not have an exact answer to the multiple choices questions... but u can eliminate ... some answers (O: how about that approach.

start the elimination round

=====================================================
as always
what do i know (O:
 
Posted on 10-09-06 12:55 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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1) I am cute (they say)
2) I am hot (they say)
3) I am educated (i know :P )
4) I don't have attitude problem. (i know :P)

Choice is yours :P :P

LooTe
 
Posted on 10-09-06 1:11 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Be inquisitive, look for 'common-ness' in background, priorities while 'dating'. Test 'ego' level, coz i believe attitude comes up with ego.

u say your priorities first. Person with attitude/ego will not reciprocate with his feelings, person who's understanding and cool will open-up. Person with ego will open-up late.
 
Posted on 10-09-06 1:13 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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LOL Good Luck.
 
Posted on 10-09-06 1:24 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I don't mind if my girl has some ego/attitude problem. it is good to have differences in opinion, ideas, views provided if she is rational. then only you can justify your own views, ideas and expressions. it's like having a two-party democratic system in the house (of representatives-hubby and wife :P).

you can argue as much as you want with your better half, fight with him/her. kick his/her ass.

For reconciliation, there is BED hahahahahahahahahahaha :P

LooTe
 
Posted on 10-09-06 2:59 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hahahaha Loote

I like it.
 
Posted on 10-09-06 3:53 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Loote, too bad im off the market (for now:-P ) You say you dont have attitude problem, but can you handle a girl with attitude PLUS ego??
If you are, then well...ummm...you are worth a try! lol
 
Posted on 10-09-06 3:55 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Oh, my only request...if you gonna make a comment/statement, you better back it up!! I am open to anything if it comes with valid or at least logical reasonings. Dont say 'x,y,z is good' and stop at that...tell me why it is good.
What say? ;-)
 
Posted on 10-09-06 4:38 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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totally wrong. Only way to find out if he/she is suitable is by looking at his/her wallet.
If you have lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ no doubt girls would be jumping at you.

if you live on the street everyone will trample on you. this is the Fact man.
wake up from the romeo/juilet fantasy. also don't watch too much hindi movie.
 
Posted on 10-09-06 4:53 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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What if all his fortune are tied up in stocks like umm...Bill Gates. The wallet may not be that fat in that case...
 
Posted on 10-09-06 8:42 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks kohinoor.Interesting thread. Roll on!
 
Posted on 10-10-06 2:56 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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bostongirl,
i don't claim that i can very well handle girls with attitude/ego. but i tend to give it a shot. and tell you what, i love challenges :P. it energizes me and give me reasons to retaliate/debate/fight :P. that's when i enjoy. i enjoy being a part of the show :P. so, you may go ahead and shoot your queries if you want. i have always tried to be rational...albeit in my own ways. :P...if you don't have rationale for your claims, you better back off. :P

kohinoor,
here's something interesting for you and for those singles who are looking to get married. i found it in the net sometime back. although it's written for men, it could very well be applied for women.

How to get a Nice wife

Do read this................................

There are times in a person's life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.

Some of the questions that crop up are -

a.. What sort of a girl do I marry?
b.. Will she adjust in my family?
c.. How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times?
d.. When should I get married?
e.. This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then what if I make a mistake? .. so on and so forth.

I will try to address these & many more questions in the following sections.

The Nine Rules of Arranged marriage

Rule 1 - Magic no. 28

In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl's to get married by the time they become 24-25.

Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.

Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, "I will marry when I settle down".

Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls

At times you hear statements like, "I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then". Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed. From this subset, there would be girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety & number of marriage-able girls are fixed.


Rule 3 - Competition for girls

Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good girls. So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai. So, set your expectations accordingly.

Rule 4 -- Understanding girls

You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, its difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I know people who are still trying to understand their wife. ;-).. Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help of your parents/ friends & latest technologies like email/chat to choose your girl.

Rule 5 - Society expectation

The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can't meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.

Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the girl's family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/religion plays a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

Rule 7 - Know yourself

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it's very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, "Opposite attract", while they also say, "Bird of same feather flock together". So, you take a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl, but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection. Don't forget rule no.3 here.

Rule 8 -- Girl's Beauty

A girl's looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl's looks are important, but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on in life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic.

Rule 9 -- Taking advice

As I have mentioned in the next rule, it's very important that the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don't do the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such important matters its necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that you follow others' advice, but don't forget to take their advice.


Rule 10 -- Own decision

All said & done, it's your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don't marry a girl just because your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don't work out & you end up saying, "It's because of my friends or my parents that I married you", then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That's when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marry the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?

From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience & commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:

a.. Definition phase –

Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3 here.

b.. Lead Generation phase –

Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting bio-datas at one go. Remember the Rule 2 here.

c.. Short listing phase –

Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting bio-datas. The general process followed for correspondence is as follows:

1. The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/herself.

2. Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile along with request for detailed profile, photo, horoscope.

3. The initiator then sends the requested information along with a request for similar information.

4. The receiver send similar information.

5. If the bio-data is selected, it is passed over to the next phase.


D.. Casual interaction phase –

Based on short listing, about 7 to 10 bio-datas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10 - 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/chat.

E.. Family interaction phase –

Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.

F.. The dating phase –

Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.

G.. The D-day phase – DECISION

Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.

Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for both of you.

A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in the age-old virtue,


"NEVER DO ANYTHING TO OTHERS THAT YOU DON'T LIKE FOR YOURSELF".

LooTe
 
Posted on 10-10-06 3:51 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hehe kohinoor,

since so many have asked this already, now including you, let me clarify about my nick. of course there are millions of nicks i could have chosen but why LooTeKuKur? see, i am a very weak person at heart. :P. i have always tried to look upon things from underdogs, people who are suppressed and/or manipulated by the so called privliged groups of people. when i think of nepal or south asia for that matter, one thing that comes to my mind are dalits, women, janajatis, madhise and so on. our feudal society have suppressed and used them for ages.

animals, especially street dogs, are part of that feudal society. look at pets here in US and look at our street dogs. why such a huge difference? what is their fault? just because they are born in nepal or india? that's not fair!

through my nick, i have attempted to voice their feelings, opinions that they might have. it's a pain to be born in an unjust society as ours. since sajha, as its name stands for, welcome and cordially respect views from all kinds of people, be it privileged or suppressed, i am humbled to have gotten this opportunity to represent that oppressed sect of our society. hence the nick LooTeKuKur. :P

LooTe
PS. you can call me loote, kukur or lootekukur. it really does not matter. i am what i am. a representative of underdogs, i believe. :P
 
Posted on 10-10-06 4:02 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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If we go by rules, there would be no broken homes/failure cases and moreover can't seek for perfection!
 
Posted on 10-10-06 4:02 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Well it is to U, fine there is nice logic behind ur nick...but r u aware of the typical characterstics of the streetdogs...who looks really weak but they have double face... well I dunno how to put it in words...but I guess u got it?
And yeah am very persistent ,...so again it is my sincere request to u to pleaseeeeeeeeee change the nick... I will never call u by this name.......I swear by Sajha...unless u will change it................ U GOT TO CHANGE IT ..................
 
Posted on 10-10-06 4:02 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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laaa..whos looking for a suitable boy? Do you want one who is single or is a married guy also okay?
If so, I am up for a second....lol

Positive traits:
Ego-its there to some extent
education-not illiterate
chemistry and physics-takes time to notice and feel

feel free to call me....hehe
 



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