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View User Profile View User Postings ganapati Please log in to subscribe to ganapati's postings. Posted on 12-29-08 6:32 PM     Reply [Subscribe]

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. .....Sorry about this, but the stock market is still in the news........ 1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno 3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW 4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker?      A tie! 5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left. 6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno 7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno 8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They had to include pictures  - Jay Leno 9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno 10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'.  I  won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's New Stock Market Terms CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. View/Share this post only

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View User Profile View User Postings OBAMA Please log in to subscribe to OBAMA's postings. Posted on 12-29-08 7:35 PM     Reply [Subscribe]

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so funny..... View/Share this post only

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